release

she thinks to herself as her heart pounds in depression, her eyes tear for hours on end. she tells herself "i need a release, the kind of release that you can do once in a while, i need it because all though my best friend tell me to breath, i feel like i can't. i can wish for my love to sweep me off my feet, but i know it'll never come." she wipes her tear from her left cheek, and goes outside for a cigarette, knowing her love would hell at her. "it doesn't, matter anymore." she says. she's tired of feeling wrong and ugly, she's tired of wishing of the past. she hums dearly beloved, tearing even more with every note.....she finally says the word she never wanted to hear for herself..."im done"

dreamer

theres this dreamer, he loves to wonder on what he could possibly have. he sees it, he sees everything in this one person. though he feels he's not good enough for the world, and he's already taken....he knows what he wants, he feels horrible because he wants what not his, and finally he stopped caring. theres this dreamer, he finally tells the girl he wants he loves her and its long over do, he tells her he's not like every other guy just trying to get in a girls pants. through all of his pain through all of his worries, theres nothing more that he cares about. he wants to see her and he want to be with her, to get not just what she needs but what she wants...her dreams. because believe it or not ...he turned her into a dreamer. he told her to close her eyes telling her of everything he would love to do for her, love to give her. she told him theres only one thing i would like...she took his hand and opened her eyes and kissed him. within one kiss, he thought to himself he finally got what he wanted...her.

sexuality...lets face it

Now i'm married, i'm 19 yrs old, but i look like i'm 13 or 14...if u are one of my friends you might say i look like i'm 12. But in my mind i'm not the prettiest girl in the world, i'm not the type of girl the guys would stare at walking down the street. So naturally i feel a bit uncomfortable when i have an alert going off "my husband is gone, my husband is gone." and men hit on me........ not to but rude, but lately it makes me feel some what powerful. So my husband is deployed, and don't talk to him often, is it wrong of me to out of nowhere want him the way i do? Is it wrong of me to want more of him? I married the love of my life and i love him the way I fell for him, but the fact that i forgot the one burden of being an army wife......you marry the man and you commit with him to the military...........i hate it! But i live with it. With all the drama I've been through i know i wouldn't want to go through anything with anyone but my husband. BUT ANYWAYS!!!!! I haven't had fun in a while. i'm wondering  why do i want more or more extreme, and why now...... couldn't it have waited to kick in until my husband came home, or at least the day before he's here lol. I don't know but i like the feeling. With him i feel like besides the girls......... i'm his world, even though he doesn't show it (its alright...i live lol). i just got to figure out how to hold myself down at least for 3 more months.......and the my bottom line.

oh ok y so silent

So many things have happened since I've been in Washington. Crazy, fun and bad things lol. but although things are overall fun, when the bad things start everyone i mean everyone goes silent. if you have an issue with me please bring it to the table instead of letting me walk up to you and end up pissing you off even more, tell me so that if you want a friendship with me we can work on it or tell me how you feel so we could see if we can be friends or not. And the problem i see a lot of us have is that the word gossip means twisting peoples words around, and we gladly do it sometime on purpose, sometimes without noticing it....then all we can say is "oops" or "wtf you're being an asshole". the problem i have had is that i actually haven't said anything wrong...at least i don't think and the people i speak of haven't given me any proof that i did, and they feel they can bitch on mute....soon or later i will notice, and on top of that sooner or later i will blow up. You bring everything to the table or you drop it..........that's my bottom line

vice versa

to give is to get, and to get is to give. i find that a friendship is a different version of a relationship....like a never ending transaction, and the key to start it is your personality. the tricky part is keeping that transaction going, especially for me when I'm not in my comfort zone, i think that none of my friends are but still, being the social and diverse makes it even harder for anyone to establish who they are and what kinds of friends they want. for us ladies, we have to have something or someone to talk about........ or we lose our minds in the TV lol, we have to have something we have in common or have the same hatred of something. guys are actually the same... in a way, they have to be at the same level and in the same circle. but what strikes me as stupid is when you hear how people yes men and women talk about how everyone uses them but they don't do a thing about it, yes its okay to vent and get it out of your system but all you have to remember is to give is to get and to get is to give......and sometimes you need to push that whole quote forward, or else that transaction will end

save me

When buzzing silence is the only sort
of music my care-weary ear can stand,
and I become a hairy, pus-filled wart
that shames the muse's lovely powdered hand-
When walls remove me from the pressing crowd,
suppress me with their invisible load,
my hands become too big, my voice too loud,
I sit lost on dusty foreign roads
friendless, devoid of meaning, all drawn in
from contact needed from those I repell
because I feel boorish, painfully thin,
and on my magnified faults I must dwell-
These times I yearn for you to save me, you
can soothe this pain, and help me make it through.

Aftershock

I let time pass me by,

I just stood there getting high.

High to relieve my pain,

that came over me like rain.

I cant look in his eyes,

because I begin to cry.

But in his eyes I find happiness,

without it all I have is loneliness.

Within his touch we are never apart,

I will live on in your heart.

As night follows day,

my spirit is here to stay,

waiting for you and only you.

separation in this day

separation changes people within days of being separated, their demenor, the way they look at things, sooner or later things change from good to just down right wierd. But when you come together again and try to have something together what do you when things dont go the way you want. things come to light, people get in the way believing that it's their place when it's not. you tend to forget where things lie. you might not notice it but your heart begins to cry. How can relationship go on from afar when you know you cant be trusted or you fear the one you trusted. It begins to break when things can't be answered you cant hear a voice or you cant hold. In some sense you break down like a pc. things within you that you lock in beging to come out, and all you see is like blood flowing. what do you do when you wish you were never separated, knowing that'll never happen.........

demands 12-28-06

I hide my eyes from the world, so they will not see how my eyes tear so rapidly. My eyes do this because in a sense I feel broken People say you should be happy for what you have, you have a roof over you head, a filled stomach, and a heart filed with mother's love. I see and say different. I have nothing but chaos over my head, people want what they want and are not willing to compromise. A unfilled stomach because of so much anger i have no appetite, and a heart filled with not mother's love but mother's over protective and demanding anger. I don't live in a home i realized i live in a house, where i cannot be myself. After so long i realize that i like to see things in an equal bit....and sadly people will not let me live this way

hello to masses

Hi hi everyone.....my name is Sharmesha (hate the name) but friends call me Mesha!! I'm 19, out of mind, and not afraid to talk about...trust me its all in good fun. Life for me has taken a slight shift....and I'm not used to it, and rather than just gossiping about it and being like the girls i dislike in high school, i write my opinion about how i feel........ in poetry that sometimes doesn't rhyme lol, and in other ways. But hope you like ^_^